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How Angel Got Her Shitpig by Nunkie

What is a girl to do? Men are all the same. They'll soften you up with dinners and flowers and chocolates and flattery, and just when you're ready to open your heart to them, they pry your legs apart and shove their dick into your cunt. Wham bam thank you Ma'm.

Take this guy here. Charlie. We're in a fancy restaurant. He's looking over the bill finding out the evening has been more expensive than he had planned, and now he's thinking how he's going to cash in on me. Watch this.

'How about we go to my place for a nightcap?'

See? Saw that one coming from a mile away. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a good fuck as much as the next girl. But why does it always have to be on men's terms? I mean, where do I come in? What makes men think that my lifelong dream is to get dry-fucked for three minutes flat in a creaky bed with unwashed sheets by a sweaty overweight paperpusher with a stinky dick and toilet breath? And all that for a fifty dollar meal and lousy small talk? A hooker won't blow a guy for that.

I'm past the romance and love you forever thing. Those promises peter out as fast as their dicks shrink inside your cum-drenched cunt. All I want from a guy now is to get off my way. But there's the problem. My way is not exactly the ordinary way. I mean, come on, ordinary sex is downright boring. Getting your cunt fumbled by clumsy fingers and then hump away as if at least one of you had a train to catch, I pass for that. Give me hot dirty sex. And I mean dirty! Give me a guy who is willing to go down on me, who will let me crawl and squat all over him, impregnate him with my odours, smear him with my juices. A guy who will surrender his mouth to me so I can give him a taste of all my stinking orifices. A mouth to snot and bleed into. Spray him with my urine, stuff him with my shit. I swear, the guy who wants a piece of my ass had better be prepared to get a good chunk of it. My way.

'Just a nightcap? We can have a nightcap here.'

'I got a cozy place. We'd be all alone. Whatever you're in the mood for.'

'Whatever I'm in the mood for? Uh uh, I don't think so.'

His smile turns wry. He's thinking about the bill he just paid.

'W-why not?'

'Because I don't think you're ready for what I'm in the mood for.'

He's puzzled. He's curious. I bet something is stirring inside his pants too. He wants it, whatever it is. Can't be that bad. Or can it? I confuse him.

'What are you in the mood for, then?'

'Don't ask. You don't wanna know.'

'But I do.'

'Uh uh you don't.'

He's thinking, what on earth can she be talking about. There's only room for sex in his mind and he's laying out scenarios. Maybe I'll whip his ass. Tie him to the bed. Kinky, he likes that. Don't get that often from a woman.

'Tell me.'

'What's your favourite fantasy?'

That confuses him even more. Women don't talk about sex. They'll sparingly give it out if you spin enough of the romantic yarn around them.

'M-my favourite fantasy? Uhm, I� I don't have fantasies.'

He's only talked about sex with men. It's easy with men. You know exactly what they think: the same as you. Ooh see that ass, it's bouncing all over the sidewalk. What I wouldn't give to dip my nose into that! And those tits, man she's loaded like a cow. Ooh baby, whip my face with those, knock me right off my feet they will.

'Oh don't give me that. I saw you goggle all over that fat cow over there when she bent over to pick up her napkin. Your eyes were rolling loose in their sockets.'

'No I wasn't. I would never�'

'Of course you would. You did. I saw you. You were practically drooling. Do you like fat asses? Is that your thing?'

He's flabbergasted now. I could have hit him on the head with a sledgehammer and he'd be like this. I read him like a book and he knows it. It annoys him that I can see through him. He isn't used to that. Women will either fall for him or ignore him. They never tell him off. Not on the first date, anyway.

'Uhm, maybe I should just take you home. You must be tired. You told me what a hard day you had.'

So I did. He listened! Whaddayaknow, the guy listened. Didn't care too much about that two minutes ago, though.

'So that's it? When the going gets tough, the meek retire?'

His facial control is beyond hiding his train of thought. What is it with this woman? She rebukes me like she was my wife, and now she's teasing me again. What does she want?

I got him in a soft spot, there. Aussie guys do not like to be called meek. Aussie guys are tough.

'OK. Tell me what you have in mind. Maybe we're both thinking the same.'

'Oh, I seriously doubt that.'

'Then what is it you wanna do?'

'You didn't answer my question.'

'What question?'

'What's your favourite fantasy?'

'What do my fantasies have to do with anything?'

'So you do have fantasies? You said you didn't.'

He knows he's on a crossroads here. Aussie men don't have fantasies. Aussie men don't jerk off. They're tough. They want sex, they grab a girl and fuck the living daylights out of her. No woman can resist their manhood. At least, that's what they like to think. Truth is, all they ever want to do is crawl back up their momma's cunts. They just can't admit it, not even to themselves. But this guy, he knows if he wants something with me, he has to play the game. I have to keep him on the edge, though. Keep him interested. And keep him off-balance, most important off all.

'What if I did?'

'Nothing. I know you do. All men do. They'll just not admit it.'

'This conversation is getting weird.'

'If you think this is weird, maybe you'd do good not to insist.'

That does him. He's shitting his pants, but he's got a boner poking the table from beneath. What to do? Follow his instincts and run for his life, or follow his dick and stick it out to find out what's coming? I bathe his tormented mind in a sexy knowing smile.

'I-I'm sure I can handle it. Just don't make it so hard.'

'Make what hard, darling?'

I never thought I'd get to see an Aussie man blush. He's red like a tomato, looking down into his crotch to check if it really is that obvious. I laugh so hard, people from the other tables look over to see what all the fun is about.

'Well, what's your fucking favourite fantasy?'

'Uhm, well, you know, the usual stuff.'

'The usual stuff? What do you mean?'

'Come on, you know, fucking and stuff. Doggie style. Maybe a blowjob. I mean, there's only so much a guy and a woman can do'

I grab my purse and get up. This guy is dumber than I thought. A complete asshole.

'Wait, wait, where are you going? I thought we finally had something going here.'

'No. You thought you had something going. Take me home. I'm wasting my time with you.'

He gives it another shot once we're in the car.

'What did I do wrong?'

'You don't get it, do you?'

'No, I don't. I admit, I just don't.'

We sit in silence. He hasn't started the car. He's still hoping.

'Tell me, then. Tell me, teach me.'

'I don't have to teach you anything. This isn't about you. This is about me. This is about me getting what I want. And you're not going to give it to me.'

'I will. Anything you like. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it.'

'No you won't.'

'What makes you so sure?'

'OK. Here's a test. Close your eyes.'

He hesitates. He isn't sure he can trust me. But he closes his eyes anyway.

'Good. Now open your mouth.'

He opens his eyes and looks at me. I know he wants to ask 'Why?', but when he sees the expression on my face, he thinks better of it.

'I said your mouth, not your eyes! Listen, you say you're willing to do anything I want, and the first chance you get you fuck up. I told you that you wouldn't do it.'

'I'm sorry. You're right, I fucked up. But it won't happen again. Let's start this over.'

He closes his eyes again.

'OK. But this is your last chance. You blow this, we're history. OK?'


'Good. Open your mouth. Keep your eyes closed until I tell you.'

He opens his mouth. No hesitation this time. His dick is bulging in his pants. He loves it more than he cares to admit. The uncertainty. The helplessness. Being at my mercy.

'Don't go peeking. I'm gonna put something inside your mouth and I want you to keep it on your tongue. You're not to spit it out and you're not to ask. Just keep it on your tongue until I give you further instructions. Remember, this is a test. Understood?'

He nods, his mouth still open, his eyes still closed. I pick my nose for a juicy one. I find one that is crusted on the outside, but has a green slimy ball of snot attached to it where the air hasn't been able to dry it out. I place it carefully on his tongue. He resists the reflex of scraping it off with his teeth.

'Don't move. Keep your mouth open and your tongue still. You can open your eyes.'

He opens his eyes. He looks uncomfortable, but his dick is harder than ever inside his pants. He doesn't realize that's where the real test is.

'OK, now close your mouth and swallow what I put on your tongue. Then show me.'

Again the shadow of hesitation, but he does as he is told. When he opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, the snot is gone. The boner is still in his pants, pulsating visibly as if he's ready to explode.

'Did I pass the test?'

I laugh.

'With shining colors, darling. You did good.'

'What was it you put in my mouth?'

'Something. Nothing. Who cares. It doesn't matter. What matters is, you're ready for the real thing.'

'What do you mean?'

'Nothing. Drive. I'm soaking wet and you're about to punch a hole through the front off your pants. '

He drives me to his place, which is a few miles down the coast. He is still hard when he lets me in and starts fumbling my ass right there in the hallway.

'Hold it just a minute there. This is going my way or no way at all. Remember?'

'I'm sorry. It's just you're so�'

'OK, OK. You'll get your turn. But I gotta get mine first, OK?'

'Sure. OK. Let's step into the living room. I'll just light the fire and we'll be really cozy.'

There's a nice white rug right in front of the fireplace. The way he arranged the furniture to make room for it, it is obvious this was all part of his strategy. I wonder how nice and white it will be when I'm through with this guy.

'Done. Isn't it nice? Now, what do you want me to do?'

'First of all, strip naked.'

He has a smooth white cock with a shining pink head standing out like a flag pole. Long, but thin like a pencil. His balls hang loosely. But for his crotch, his body seems practically hairless. I palm his dick and it starts to pulsate, like he's ready to go.

'Hmm, nice. But hold your horses, OK? I got something to show you.'

I pull down my pants and panties. His eyes are bulging and his dick starts pulsating again when he sees my shaved baby cunt.

'You like that, huh. Why don't you come a little closer?'

He steps closer and tries to close his arms around me, but I brush them aside and put my hands on his shoulder, pushing him gently down on his knees. He is surprised, but offers no resistance. His eyes are level with my hairless pussy now. I put my hand on my pubis and tilt my pelvis forward, until my cuntlips almost touch the tip of his nose. Hmmm, feels great, flashing my cunt in his face like that.

'Do you like it? Smell it. Come on, don't be shy, sniff it. Does it smell nice?'

He nods. Liar. I haven't bathed for two days and I never wipe, no matter if I piss or shit. It makes me horny to think I might smear a guy's face with my dirty cunt. His breath is hot on my cuntlips while inside the juices are stirring.

'It does, huh? Well get some more of it then.'

I grab him by the back of his head with one hand and push his face into my cunt, which I'm spreading wide apart with my other hand. Hmmmm. His nose is buried deep inside my flesh. I feel his lips on my fuckhole. It's been a while since I've had a man's face in my cunt. My ex would never kiss me down there, and the few lovers I've had since the divorce could not stand the stink and would politely pull away after a few shy licks. This one is hanging in there, though. I start girating my hips, smearing my slimy cunt in large strokes all over his face.

'You like that, don't you? Do you like the taste of my cunt?'

I peel my cunt off his face, which is all wet and shiny with my cunt slime. He looks up at me and nods, too stunned to talk. Down below, I see he is fumbling his dick.

'Good for you. Then I got a little treat for you. Would you like a special treat, darling?'

This guy is totally off the planet. He's got that dazed look on his face, like a kid after his first taste of ice cream. I push him back by the shoulders and he rolls meekly backwards until he is flat on his back. I straddle his head, then drop to my knees and settle down until my cunt is right above his mouth. Looking down, I can see his eyes look up at me from behind my pubis. The rest of his face is beneath me. Damn, what a sight! Seeing him there all helpless and meek between my legs, makes me even wetter. I can feel my juices stirring inside, oozing out of my fuckhole, slithering between my cuntlips and dripping down from there. It is a powerful feeling to sit on a man's face, pinning his head to the floor with my cunt.

But stronger still is the euphoric feeling boosted by the anticipation of the daring act I'm about to perform. I have long dreamed about this, but never actually done it. Tonight's the night. Everything is perfect. I got the guy right where I want him, he's willing, and I'm bursting. If I don't do it now, I'll never do it.

'OK, here's what I want you to do. Lie still. No matter what happens, don't move. I need a steady target. You understand?'


His eyes are shifting nervously between my cunt and my face. I wonder if he suspects.

'Such a nice rug, would be a real shame, wouldn't it?'

He nods again.

'OK. Now open your mouth for me. Real wide. Give something to aim at.'

I sit up a bit to get a better look at him. He's eyeing me with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. Slowly, his mouth opens.

'Good boy. That's it. Nice. Now look at my pussy. Right here. That's where it's going to happen.'

I tilt my pelvis forward and bring my hands down between my legs, spreading my cunt wide apart. He is staring up at my treasure, slightly cross-eyed, mouth wide open. I try to relax.

'OK, be ready now. Here it comes.'

We both freeze for a couple of seconds that seem like an eternity, hardly daring to breathe. I get nervous. What if I can't? Damn! To have worked so hard at getting to this point, to have come so far, only to cramp up at the crucial moment? Wait. I feel something. A shy stream is flowing from my pisshole, but it is too faint to break free and trickles down the inside of my leg. I hold back, then push. Looking down between my legs, I see a straight line of yellow piss bursting from my cunt and landing with a splash and a splatter on his forehead. Damn. I hold back again and it slowly dies out in a trickle that passes over his eyes, mouth, chin and chest. I adjust my aim and push again. This time I hit the jackpot. Oh my, this is better than I had imagined it. To see my piss shooting out from between my legs, straight into his open mouth, I'm ready to cum right there, right then.

I keep pushing and the stream becomes thicker. He's struggling with it. No matter how fast he swallows (he swallows!), his mouth is overflowing with my piss, it flows down his neck onto his chest and shoulders, along his face into his ears, his hair, onto the rug. I struggle to hold back, which is not an easy thing to do. But I want this to last, and I want him to drink as much of me as he possibly can.

When I see he has caught up, I lower my cunt back down over his face. This time, I go down all the way, until my cunt is on his mouth. With two fingers of one hand I spread my cunt, while the other hand carefully stuffs my wet inner cuntlips between his lips. Then I neatly line his mouth with the fleshy folds of my closely shaven outer lips. Hmmm, feels divine. I close my eyes and let go. As my piss starts flowing again, I feel it build up between my cuntlips until the pressure is too much and it explodes inside his mouth. I feel my cuntlips flutter between his lips as my piss is streaming into his mouth. This is too much for me. The orgasm explodes in my lower belly and invades the rest of my body with a surge of redhot lava, painting a myriad of colourful blobs of light inside my head. I am screaming and my body is jerking wildly.

I am startled from the glorious haze I'm in by his head jerking from side to side between my legs. Oh my, I'm smothering him with my cunt. I get up and he gasps for air. I can't help it, I giggle. I don't know exactly why this is funny, but it is.

'You allright, dear?'

He's still panting, but nods his head.

'Don't pass out on me now, OK? I'm only just getting started.'

That makes his pencil dick jump with joy. I'm going to have to move fast, or he's going to explode before I get to the main dish. So I straddle his head again, only now I have my back to him. I squat down until my ass is over his face.

'Now honey, you know the drill. Open up.'

'W-what are you going to do?'

He's alive!

'Don't worry. This isn't going to hurt a bit. But if you really like that white rug of yours, you'd better open up real wide.'

I lift my ass a bit and look down at him between my legs. I never saw a man's mouth open so wide. This guy is cracking me up. I lower my ass down again and I feel his breath hot on my shithole. I push. A long loud fart sputters from my ass. Oh my, I'm actually farting into this guy's mouth. I wonder how he's taking it. But he hasn't budged. Still there with his mouth wide open. I squat down a bit deeper until I feel his lips on my shitter. Then I fart again. Makes my head spin to think he's breathing my farts. Like I'm giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, only the wrong way round.

I feel something pushing through my shithole from inside. Oh my, it's so big I think it's gonna rip my ass apart. I grunt with the strain of pushing it out, and moan with the pain it causes by stretching my asshole. Fuck, this sucker is huge. And hard like stone.

I look down between my legs. There it is, a thick dark turd, shiny with slime. It is one of my better productions. An intricate myriad of small lobes of shit of different shades of brown, pressed together in a tight bulky saucage. I feel how it slowly slides out of my asshole and at the same time see how it slips in between his lips, into his mouth. My heart is beating like crazy and I'm drunken with lust. Raw dirty lust. I have never felt so good.

He has my turd standing up straight in his mouth. He's almost choking on it, but somehow manages to breathe around it.

'You like that, darling? You like what momma cooked for you?'

I didn't expect an answer, but he's actually nodding his head.

'Come on, eat up now. There's more where that came from.'

The turd is moving around between his lips as he starts chewing it up from below. I can only imagine what it must taste like, but if the smell is an indication, it must be pretty foul. Oh man, this guy chewing on my shit gets me so hot, I can't help myself. I squat down again and curl another three or four turds on his face, until all that's coming out is a sputter of wet farts. All the while I'm rubbing my cunt, but now I drop to my knees and and sit down on his face. My shit feels warm and slippery inside my cunt as I start to smear it all over his face, then down his chest, his belly, and onto his stiff dick. Then I lean forward on my arms and stick my shit smeared ass up in the air.

'Come Charlie, get up and stick your cock up my ass, will you?'

Charlie slips out from under me and positions himself behind my ass, on his knees.

'Y-your ass? You sure?'

I can hardly understand him with all the shit in his mouth, and I'm dizzy with this unbearable heat that is rising up from between my legs and has started to set my body on fire.

'Shit, my ass, my cunt, stick it anywhere you damn well like but do it NOW!!!'

I feel his dick ramming up my cunt, then out again and slipping upwards. My asshole must still be dilated from my dump, because his cock slides in without resistance. No doubt my shit is serving as a lubricant too. Already he is quivering inside my rectum, and while I feel his sperm shoot up my bowels I myself melt down in an endless series of climaxes. My body is shaking uncontrollably as wave after wave of a hot maelstrom of pleasure rushes from my loins up to my head where it explodes in a colourful display of fireworks.

He is still panting on his brown-and-yellow rug when I step out of the bathroom, showered and dressed.

'Charlie, did you call that cab like a told you?'

But Charlie is too far gone. I call the cab myself and when it arrives ten minutes later, I let myself out. Later, while smoking a cigarette on my front porch and watching the smoke curl and twist in the moonlight. Poor Charlie. He was a shitpig and never knew it. For a moment I wonder if he'll ever recover from tonight. But I don't really care. Tonight, I have proven for myself that I am actually capable of getting a man to eat my shit and like it. Shitpigs of the world beware. Angel is on a rampage. Your mouths are mine.

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